The road not taken

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.

I am writing this entry while listening to iu. dear girl you soothen my soul.

It is not only me who struggle in this harsh world. other might meet situation far worst than me.

The road not taken..we have learnt it during schooldays. maybe in form 2, i dont remember. we have been warned about what reality we will be facing. the unlimited choice in life that will bring u to different path. and your path maybe intercept with others but never parallel to each other. we never had two person having the very same background and path of life. even among twins.

I once pray that Allah s.w.t give me forgiveness and chance to be a good, better person. i fall in love with usrah, like a medicine that heal my wounds and isolated life. i go near that good path and it really bring me to a world that i never  ever thought before.

I learn that Islam is not for yourself, it is to be spread and to be fight for. i learn about responsibility as a true Muslim, begin to open my heart to a really good people and friends.

But as i always said, i am truly a coward person. i am incapable to hold onto it like my friends do. i lost in translation, i turn back to who i was. to my old life and neglected them, my precious friends. i think i just being myself, like the one actress keep stressing to media about her changes to sth that not good.

But it brought misery in my life. i know it's me who to be blamed for all this misfortune. it is like i am lost when trying to find way back home (the world i once comfortable with).

I keep craving for some miracle, some chance or maybe some guy that will brighten my life. i want to have a successful life like my other friends had. i just dont know what to do and so clueless about reading the signs from God.

And i might got this very opportunity to pay for my mistake. I am willing to go through a hard life if thats the price i have to pay.

But sincerely, i am still a coward person. i have to think and sacrifice many things to go throughthat road. it feels like i am not ready to face that kind of road. it feels like...even if i turn back again and go through the road i once left, it will not be the same as before. i will not be the same and hope could flunk helplessly.

I just stand there, in the middle of road. hesistate to move on or back off. i just stay.

I am sorry God if i take the wrong path. i am very sorry if this is actually the path u giving me to answer my prayer. i am very sorry if i wrong.

Just please. give me Your pure guideness.

Aku mohon dengan sangat.