Assalamualaikum..apa khabar saudara saudari sekalian~ *singing Raihan's song.
Haha
Well this entry is not so happy actually.
The title also had no meaning at all.
Yes my black hat is overpowering my mind and going to suck all your happiness like that devilish dementor in Harry Potter. Wahaha
Recently, well i met my friends for the purpose of graduation preparation.
Yay excited! Yay happy!
Well most of them does feel that.
Excluding me.
*throw rocks at this unfeeling human being
I know i am being weird
Why i am not happy with this graduation ceremony?
After all these years going through ups and down..
There, there it is.
I know those memories, struggling for the past two and a half years ain't easy. I even start to blogging after facing a real depression with my degree life. And those years also full of unexpected happiness, people and places that i never thought i would experience.
But what i really think is...no need to look back at the past. The real important think is now.
What that degree life had prepare me to be who am I today.
I do regret some of the decision and action during that time and it just... something that i won't forgive myself. I was careless, lack in every different way of a student should be. Like seriously. I maybe never experiencing failure but I am also excluded from that top notch students. To be short, I am clueless of what the hell I am doing. I am just following the flow. Which is not, a big NOT applicable in the real world.
Yes, how many time i have to tell people i have a misery life, so cut it down.
And i am not also proudly telling people that even i am a clueless student but i manage to pass through it like a normal people.
See...NORMAL people. NORMAL life. So I am same as other 200 millions of people in this world. When my life suddenly not following the normal way, I am dead meat. It is like I never learn or get anything unless a huge study loan debt.
It reminds me of one of a quot from someone intellectual person that have a rebellious trait ; a university is like a place where they cut human throat (the young people) by served them an imaginary, fairytales hope for the future. For ones who really thoughtless, they really think they are much higher level than those people who didn't get the opportunity. But actually they really unaware of what nightmare reality they will be facing.
Yeah, Adam Adli had been nation rebellious kid because he think differently and actually make action to get his right. That's actually students in higher education should do. Not being rebellious, but to THINK and ACT. Not just talking rubbish like the lame ol political puppet or becoming keyboard warriors like i am doing right now. That's why I am frustrated with myself because I miss the opportunity to THINK and ACT.
And now, holding the title of degree student does burden me. People expect me to be something but in reality i am nothing rather than a puppet.
And celebrating that ceremony is like celebrating my frustration.
I just don't know.
I hate this education system that teach me (since kindergarden) to shut up, stop thinking and do as you're told to be. I want to different and yet end up being same as anybody.
But time machine does not exist. I just have to faced the mess I made and move on. This is the biggest lesson in my school of life. I think I don't really have a time to celebrate the 'happy ending' create by this 'fairytales land' (that is far far far away from reality). I'll find my way in this world, a places in this world where i can devoted myself with the true meaning of life.
So, sensei, that is my reason for not liking to attend that ceremony. I end this letter with thank you.
Houl~
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