greetings.
yesterday was my birthday
*put bogum voice singing birthday song here
=p
well..truthfully, i kinda don't like to be the centre of attention. my friends used to announce my birthday loudly in our class and i was like embarrassed to death. birthday is not a big deal for a matured lady like me (pfttt), it only reminds me that i getting old.
anyway i am not gonna talk about me. the day had passed by the way. it just this thought crossed my mind a couple hours ago.
my dad and my mom.
the one that bring me to this world on that very day of five may nineteen ninety two.
i admit that... i am really not close to them. well it just i am raised to be like that. so does my siblings.i think it is not a negative thing but yes, sometimes it makes us awkward as we never ever talk from heart to heart.
few incidents in my life happen couple of years ago that make me distance myself from them. again, it is just i am more comfortable that way. i really dont want them to know what the things that i worry the most, the thing that i actually dream to do and achieve, the kind of life that i long for. i am comfortable with myself, with my books, with my laptop and drama...the totally anti sociable plus introvert person.
and i know it is a selfish thing to do because at the end of the day i always blame them without giving them a chance or understand them.i am the one who dont want to talk about the reality. i am the one who run away from my own reality. i am the one that never understand what life means.
well...dear me (talking to myself) just remember how lucky you are.
i am dedicating this entry to my father especially
*although he never knew the existence of this blog
*mom can wait okay?
remember when you always has a weak body that cannot stand the heat after playing so hard at KLCC park? you almost faint that your father carry you in his shoulder all the way from the park to car parking lot. and for godsake it happen when you're 9 & 12 years old!!
*yes, he did complain about it but does ever you feel how hard it is to do that? in the future, do you able to carry him if he getting weak and sick?
remember when your father always give the best thing to you
*world theory: elder children always get the best thing
do you remember he buy you the study lamp that he never give to other siblings just because you always like to burn the midnight oil? *alert nerd student
do you remember he buy you some weird thing that maybe seem has less value but it just special because he thinking about you . and you are so excited about it
*my father used to buy me this thing without no reason
 |
| i really don't even know what this thing called |
remember when you buy him a shirt with your first salary and he wears it a really lots of time like showing to the world this is his best shirt
remember when you buy him another shirts (because actually there's a sale) and he told you to buy for your mom too
remember when you are homesick after raya break (during diploma time), you can't reach your mom cellphone and call him instead. remember you are crying to him just because it is too hard to be alone and to be miss them a lot
*and then the next day got teased by roomate for crying in sleep
remember when he is so reluctant to allow you to go anywhere (friend wedding, camp, uni ceremony) and you throw tantrum at him because your younger brother had his freedom easier than you
remember when he gave you a mineral water after you had a diarrhoea, lost a lot of water and been admitted to a specialist hospital. remember how you can see in his eye that he care about you
remember when you throw tantrum not going to school (primary school) and he scold you hard enough plus ignoring you for days that make you really guilty
remember when you crying for being a part from him and your mom (when you mother is going to deliver your brother in KL) and he follow your will to absent from school and come to KL waiting for the baby.
most of the time, i know you kinda dislike him. he and his ego. he and his illogical thought. he and his ....whatever that piss you a lot like hell. just... whenever you had amnesia or lost your memory. just remember these things.
and also, you might not remember, his smile when the doctor told him about your mom pregnancy. the smile when he hear your voice for the first time. you never knew or remember what his thought for all these time carrying the responsibility to be your father. your guardian. your own angel and knight in shining armour.
you can get angry with him, but never stop pray for him.
you can bickered him, but never hate him.
you can stay away from him, but never leave him.
that's your father. one of the reason why Allah s.w.t still allow you to be alive no matter how screw you are. because beside your mom, he the one who always pray for you. who never forget you. who love you... *tears
just be good to him, will you?
happy birthday to me.
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