Assalamualaikum
hei just a quick update here (maybe)
because i want to watch bridal mask drama (joo won, i an giving you a chance to awe me)
lol
ok it is just in my workplace there will be a management change
few people are going to quit from this shitty job
ok, not nice. i should be grateful that this so called shitty job actually help me pay my ptptn, car, this and that bill.
anyway..of course i am a bit shaken by this condition. i also feel like to quit pftt who does'nt? maybe i can find a husband and live happily forever after like my fren fazlina. maybe i can shut this dunya for a while and learn religion like fatieha. or maybe i just quit and wondering for vacancy anywhere but here. i like the second and third idea.
if and only if i dont have much debt to pay.
anyway (again) it just, this situation remind me back in university days. after my little hijrah, i realised that i got several responsibility that i must carry along with my new life. back then, i was so scared and confused. does islam means you can live a comfort and blessful life on your own? why we had to spread the islam and practicing dakwah?
at first i am quit a rebellious person. i was forced to go to usrah, i reluctantly do my own usrah, i seldom attend meeting, i give many reason to not involve with sahabat. for godsake i just want to watch korean drama on my laptop!
but as i go along with my sahabats, i found that human interaction is much meaningful rather than all those things that i value at that time (korean drama, kpop songs,novels). i want to leave that road of dakwah so much but it seems that i dont dare to hurt any of my sahabat's feeling. so i just go along with it, having much experience that really really really taught me to be a mature muslim.
i thought okay someday i will quit this thing. nevertheless i am not capable to be a good naqibah or example to my fellow adik and friends. but then Allah s.w.t give me a responsibility. i am given a role to be a leader.
i was force to and i really dont like it. how can be a leader when actually i want to quit this thing. but i accept it somehow. maybe i can get a credit to skip attending meetings and such. maybe i can change few of the rules so we dont need to do much job.
teet! wrong!
becoming a leader is not as heaven as najib razak (haha sempat). we have to attend double usrah, triple activities and countless meeting. i am exhausted, angry and having all the negative emotion. my korean drama and kpop been left behind because i have to catch up on both study and dakwah's work. Plus there is no more of hanging up with my besties or roomies because i am very busy.
but hei... i actually enjoying that moments. the moments when you have the hope for the world to be a better place and actually do something to achieve that goal (pftt i am not doing much actually but still i happy doing that small deeds). the busy life during my diploma actually develop my personality and attitudes afterwards.
i become a person who respect time, my time and other people's time.
i choose to work rather than gossiping with other coworker or friends. if i really do gossiping i will make sure my hand are doing some work too. moreover, i dont want to lost the barakah of my salary.
i learn to be a humble and down to earth person, as we are actually the representative of Islam.
and most of all..i think this is the most absurd thing happen to me.
i learn to be brave and not easily give up.
i just continue to do my job because i think that is my responsibility. some of people that i know just simply distance themselves if they are not happy or agree with something. they tend to leave the responsibility to others. well, i am sorry to say but i really not that kind of person to do that.
i know things are hard but that is not the reason being selfish. i know one day i will eventually tired and quit, but i promised to myself that i will go in a good way.
i am maybe having the lowest job on earth but i learn that everyone is actually having the same struggle. this is a test for me and yet i admit many moments i lose hope in Allah s.w.t over my ill-fated life.
but still there is one voice in my heart that said, 'sabar..Tuhan sedang mengajarmu erti sabar dan ikhlas'. i still trying to be patience, and that's why i seem to not giving up with my work. it might sound silly and it is like i been in comfort zone. well that might be true. but i think right now i have to sabar first, waiting for the right moment to take action. i might missed the chance but hmm... i rather be in this situation rather than make a rush decision that only based on my ego.
semoga Allah s.w.t permudahkan urusanku di dunia ini supaya aku tidak ketinggalan di akhirat kelak. amin
to the people who dare to take a different route in life, good luck for you. pray for me to have courage to do that too.
kan aku dah kata mesti banyak masa habis kat entri ni. aigoo
need some sleep now. bye.
Wednesday, 27 June 2018
Monday, 18 June 2018
Aku, raya dan ...
Assalamualaikum. Greetings.
Hei selamat hari raya (dan cengkerik pun berbunyi sbb actually xde reader pun kat sini).
So i guess i need to rant on some things before my head going to exploded thinking about them.
The raya conflicts:
1. When you have to work during eid celebration is actually not a big deal to me. Zeriously, i prefer work over seeing some people that only going to hurt me with their words. And this year, i am done with a fake big smile and positive answer.
People, if you going to hurt someone, better dont talk at all. It's month of forgiveness so why not try to be nice.
Anyway, the point is the people who takes raya lightly as a holiday to waste your time at the mall. I mean, i feel like want to curse these kind of people.
I dont mind if they are actually cannot go back to their hometown and are a lone ranger here. But if u come to the mall with your four children, your mom & mil, your cousin and her family...shish please get a life. U really dont appreciate these opportunity that make people like us who had to work feel irritated.
2. The forgiveness scene. Ok, in this issue i admit that i am too did some nasty thing after appologise to someone. I can see that mostly people would appologise to person that they actually have no problem at all. Seldom i see someone who been fight for years make a handshake during raya. Even if it is a pretence. That only can be seen on tv.
Because i still remember my ustaz said that in order to ask for forgiveness, you actually had to list all your wrongdoings and aincerely ask for forgiveness.
But like i said, i am still not good in this issue. I am still not easily forgive people and tend to hold grudge. All the introvert person like me can do is make a fake smile and pretend that all is well. At least the atmosphere is not awkward to everyone else,right.
3. The third issue related to the second one, but in specific theme of empaty and dont be a jerk.
I dont like irresponsible person. And if u think it only applicable to everyone but me then you are wrong. I treat myself much harder than anyone else.
You got your work, i know sometimes it feels like shit but you have to be responsible for it. You choose this so-you-call shit job but you rant on social media about less salary,less bonus and all the waste you make. You know it is your fault but you try to gain sympathy of people towards your situation.
And for some reason, you had no choice of following your family to other relative house. It is quite awkward if i would said your working partner is okay with that. But yes, maybe i can understand a bit because my family also like that (but i am really strict when it comes to work if the family matter is not really important and you can still make up for it another time).
But people...seriously for heaven sake..dont be a jerk by happily post your raya journey on social media. Please, dont show off how asshole you are to hurt your working partner when you too suppose to work that day.
I dont care who you are but if you are been irresponsible and been boastful about it then you are in my blacklist. I can find 100 reason for your irresponsible act but you been boasful...i guess not.
I know i am thinking too much with a very narrow mind. But i am tired already.
These people make me want rhyme rhett butler's sayings;
'Frankly my dear i dont give a damn'
Ohh my head hurt. I will think about this tomorrow
Hei selamat hari raya (dan cengkerik pun berbunyi sbb actually xde reader pun kat sini).
So i guess i need to rant on some things before my head going to exploded thinking about them.
The raya conflicts:
1. When you have to work during eid celebration is actually not a big deal to me. Zeriously, i prefer work over seeing some people that only going to hurt me with their words. And this year, i am done with a fake big smile and positive answer.
People, if you going to hurt someone, better dont talk at all. It's month of forgiveness so why not try to be nice.
Anyway, the point is the people who takes raya lightly as a holiday to waste your time at the mall. I mean, i feel like want to curse these kind of people.
I dont mind if they are actually cannot go back to their hometown and are a lone ranger here. But if u come to the mall with your four children, your mom & mil, your cousin and her family...shish please get a life. U really dont appreciate these opportunity that make people like us who had to work feel irritated.
2. The forgiveness scene. Ok, in this issue i admit that i am too did some nasty thing after appologise to someone. I can see that mostly people would appologise to person that they actually have no problem at all. Seldom i see someone who been fight for years make a handshake during raya. Even if it is a pretence. That only can be seen on tv.
Because i still remember my ustaz said that in order to ask for forgiveness, you actually had to list all your wrongdoings and aincerely ask for forgiveness.
But like i said, i am still not good in this issue. I am still not easily forgive people and tend to hold grudge. All the introvert person like me can do is make a fake smile and pretend that all is well. At least the atmosphere is not awkward to everyone else,right.
3. The third issue related to the second one, but in specific theme of empaty and dont be a jerk.
I dont like irresponsible person. And if u think it only applicable to everyone but me then you are wrong. I treat myself much harder than anyone else.
You got your work, i know sometimes it feels like shit but you have to be responsible for it. You choose this so-you-call shit job but you rant on social media about less salary,less bonus and all the waste you make. You know it is your fault but you try to gain sympathy of people towards your situation.
And for some reason, you had no choice of following your family to other relative house. It is quite awkward if i would said your working partner is okay with that. But yes, maybe i can understand a bit because my family also like that (but i am really strict when it comes to work if the family matter is not really important and you can still make up for it another time).
But people...seriously for heaven sake..dont be a jerk by happily post your raya journey on social media. Please, dont show off how asshole you are to hurt your working partner when you too suppose to work that day.
I dont care who you are but if you are been irresponsible and been boastful about it then you are in my blacklist. I can find 100 reason for your irresponsible act but you been boasful...i guess not.
I know i am thinking too much with a very narrow mind. But i am tired already.
These people make me want rhyme rhett butler's sayings;
'Frankly my dear i dont give a damn'
Ohh my head hurt. I will think about this tomorrow
Tuesday, 5 June 2018
Aku yang dulu bukanlah yang sekarang
Assalamualaikum. Greetings.
Seriously i had try to update this blog entry but maybe God want me to be 'senonoh' in writing, especially in this ramadhan kareem. We have to watch out for our words even in social media.
Actually i want to update about my craziness with one philiphine drama but i guess i will save that later.
Last month was a hectic month. That is why you dont find me writing in this blog. After the general election, i try to give opinion about the honorable (& awesome youth)syed saddiq. But i guess my opinion are not that important. Everybody is saying the same thing about him.
I mean everyone apart from his die hard fan. I am have the same opinion with aina wafi (vlogger of ML studio) regarding him so yeah you can check it out yourself.
So what is this entry is about?
When it comes to ramadhan, once upon a time, when i was in high school, my PI teachers always taught us about how precious it is that we should practice to finish 30 juz of quran.
The naive me take that challenge and each year i try to finish it (always fail) with a very fast pace (without really take the meaning of the quran in heart).
When i was in university, i i learn that we can always finish reciting the quran in jamaah. That is everyone in the usrah circle got their own part of the quran to finish read and recite. I did it...i think twice.
Back to these days, when the reality strike me like a thunder in the desert, i am shameful to admit my achievement is not very good. I barely had time to read quran after solat as it is recommended.
I was lost even to my naive 17 year old self. Right now all my friends are welcoming the lailatul qadr with a big hand, like a straight A students who prepared well in their exam.
And there is me, who as always,unprepared towards lailatul qadr. I dont dare to even dream about it because i know to get it is so hard like hel..ops. like heaven i mean.
To all my sahabat, thank you for reminding me with all the lailatul qadr post. I need to pause a second in my life and at least appreciate how beautiful and blessful ramadhan is.
Pray for me,dear.
Seriously i had try to update this blog entry but maybe God want me to be 'senonoh' in writing, especially in this ramadhan kareem. We have to watch out for our words even in social media.
Actually i want to update about my craziness with one philiphine drama but i guess i will save that later.
Last month was a hectic month. That is why you dont find me writing in this blog. After the general election, i try to give opinion about the honorable (& awesome youth)syed saddiq. But i guess my opinion are not that important. Everybody is saying the same thing about him.
I mean everyone apart from his die hard fan. I am have the same opinion with aina wafi (vlogger of ML studio) regarding him so yeah you can check it out yourself.
So what is this entry is about?
When it comes to ramadhan, once upon a time, when i was in high school, my PI teachers always taught us about how precious it is that we should practice to finish 30 juz of quran.
The naive me take that challenge and each year i try to finish it (always fail) with a very fast pace (without really take the meaning of the quran in heart).
When i was in university, i i learn that we can always finish reciting the quran in jamaah. That is everyone in the usrah circle got their own part of the quran to finish read and recite. I did it...i think twice.
Back to these days, when the reality strike me like a thunder in the desert, i am shameful to admit my achievement is not very good. I barely had time to read quran after solat as it is recommended.
I was lost even to my naive 17 year old self. Right now all my friends are welcoming the lailatul qadr with a big hand, like a straight A students who prepared well in their exam.
And there is me, who as always,unprepared towards lailatul qadr. I dont dare to even dream about it because i know to get it is so hard like hel..ops. like heaven i mean.
To all my sahabat, thank you for reminding me with all the lailatul qadr post. I need to pause a second in my life and at least appreciate how beautiful and blessful ramadhan is.
Pray for me,dear.
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