why Will?

assalamualaikum.
greetings.

yeah what exactly the title means..i am so dumb in giving title on entry.
right now i am waiting for the last episode of hwayugi being subbed.
may God give easiness to the subber (although the waiting still getting on my nerve).

yes ladies and gentleman, this is Will Treanor, it is him i mean by the title.

why Will? 

for the first time in my life i am so attach to a character that actually give me big lesson in life. i think i had mention it before that i feel so 'louisa clark' in me. the girl who only want a simple life in her safe little world. she just want to do ordinary job, living in a place and meeting people that she used to since child. 

and there is Will, the man that once so perfect being so jerk to push her off her 'safe' zone. i see Will as motivation to move on, as he said to Lou 

"Live on. Don't settle".

He urge Lou to put on her Bumbleblee stripes and walk proudly, out of her comfort zone.

and i am actually still trapped in the same comfort zone. Like when Lou trapped in the maze of the castle. I want to go out but too afraid of what waiting for me at the exit, so i rather stay so someone can find me. 

like that going to happen. in reality you  have to save yourself.

if you are pretty enough then a prince charming would drop by and take you on his horse. or if you are lucky enough you meet someone on the path and both of you would find the way out together.

okay, what exactly your point, girl?

i am just saying, i feel a bit lost when few of my friends and family had actually move on with their life. the one that really close to me. i am worry about them living in a new environment as much as i am worry about me not moving on at all. 

time is nobody's friend, as being mention in the movie alice in wonderland 2.

looking back in time, i wonder where things start to go wrong. is it the 17 years old of me who is so ignorant to think about her future that make her flunk in spm? is it the 18 years old of me who dare to take a course that actually harder than she thought? is it the 20 years old of me who meet 'something' and change for a better? is it the 23 years old of me who thought recklessly about the 'part time' job that actually last longer than she thought? 

i dont know and have no clue at all. 

Will... i might never have the chance to meet someone like you. someone who really close my heart and have the urge to love me for who i am. and with that love, i would take the first step like Lou, see and explore the world with a new vision. right now i only have myself and the tiny little iman. 

maybe believing in you, Will..is the reason why i dont move on. because i at the first place, i dont even have faith in myself like Lou had in her. thats why my story never had its own journey and happy ending like her. 

i dont know.

You tell me.

p.s: this is the sindrom of cannot afford to buy the third book of me before you series (titled 'still me'). i am telling you i have to think about my future, i need some saving right now. so the book have to wait. 

sigh.

heavy sigh.