so yeah, good luck for the justice.
just a few minutes as i am posting this entry, i got a message from my ex-colleague about one of our friend's death today. she is just 20 years old this year, the same age as my brother. thinking bad, in my earliest encounter with her, in a simple word my group and her group did not go so well.
There are bad talks about her, let me address her as S, and i tend to believe that. Secretly, there is one time when she needs my help, thus we keep texting each other. My relationship with her is going well without my other friends' knowledge. And I admit, she is really a nice girl, and i thought of her as my own little sister. I am a shy person who seldomly greets people, but with her, we always greet each other with a smile whenever we met. Our secret friendship end when she is continuing her study last year and hasn't keep in touch since that.
The sad thing is I never had a proper time to say goodbye. I have the intention to write her a friendly message when she leaves the company but never did that. That is my biggest regret for not saying what i want to say.
Which bring us to issue that death would solve whatever rivalry that human had.
Do you remember the late Tuan Guru Nik Aziz used to receive harsh treatment and comment from the governor and media at that time? He is said to be an old 'nyanyuk' man that did foolish decision. Tbh, I have nothing against him. I adore him so much because of his down to earth and all-wise saying. He is like a grandfather that I never had.
When he died, the table is turn upside down. The governor that criticise him even pay a visit at his funeral. The media portrays him as one of the good politicians and man.
Can you see the pattern?
We tend to forget the rivalry whenever our opponent dies. Even though in his life he fight for justice, we ignore that fact just because our principle is not the same as his.
In my short life, i seen so many friendship broken due to certain thing. And usually one of the person would say "Aku takkan maafkan dia sampai bila-bila".
And I realised, the answer to a childish rivalry like that is death.
"Tapi aku taklah mendoakan kematian die. Aku cuma tak boleh maafkan dia".
Well let me tell you what you are missing in this case.
Kau hilang ketenangan dalam hidup. Aku nampak kau sentiasa mengelak dari bertemu dengan dia, bercakap atau berbual tentang dia sekalipun. Kadangkala kau akan mengumpat dia atau memerli dia dalam perbualan dengan orang lain. Kau hidup seolah-olah dia tak wujud. Aku mungkin tak pernah suruh kau berbaik dengan dia, tapi tbh aku sedih tgk korang macam ni. Yes, you used to be best buddy to her dan aku tahu susah untuk kembali pada keadaan begitu. But for once, satu kemaafan (walaupun kau tak salah) sekurang2 nya boleh ubati kekesalan kau bila kau dengar berita kematian dia satu hari nanti.
"Kau cakap senang. Buat cuba tengok".
Siapa kata aku tak pernah ada rivalry. Yet, aku masih ada beberapa orang yang aku perlu minta maaf tapi aku dah terputus hubungan dengan dia. Apa yang aku mampu lakukan hanyalah doakan yang terbaik utk mereka. Aku dah tak simpan apa-apa dendam pada mereka. Kalau Allah beri aku kesempatan sekali lagi berjumpa mereka, the least thing I could do is smile to them. Sebab Tuhan pun tahu bertapa awkwardnya aku ni bila bab nak meluahkan isi hati.
Dan pernah satu ketika, aku 'bergaduh' dgn seorang ajk minggu orientasi. Mcm yang aku mention kat atas, aku lah orag yang sentiasa mengelak dari berjumpa dgn dia walaupun kami sebilik(for one week). Pada hari terakhir, hari bermaafan, aku berdebar gila utk tunggu giliran bersalam dgn dia. Itu sem last kami dan lepas ni mungkin tak jumpa lagi. Jadi aku beranikan dire, walaupun dia tak senyum langsung, aku peluk dia dan cakap minta maaf atas segala-galanya. Dia mengelak dari pandang aku but I did my part and I was glad to do that. Walaupun aku dah minta maaf dan maafkan semua salah dia, aku masih berdoa we will not meet again as both of us would feel awkward. Unless she feel that we should getting along.
So yeah, past is the past. Dia pun rasanya dah move on dan bahagia dgn hidup dia. As for me, aku dah tak ada regret dlm hbgn kami. Yes we met, we get along and we fight. But I did have a good closure.
Jadi nasihat aku, untuk sebarang persengketaan di luar tu, dari golongan org yang bergaduh, Ustaz Ebit or Ustaz Abu, Vivy or Nia kepada netizen, berhenti membenci dan bertengkar. Sebab tbh, kematian tu just around the corner, lagi2 pd ms skrg. Tak luak pun kehormatan kau kalau kau ambil a step back, minta maaf and move on with life.
Life is too short to burden our heart with hate feeling. Take death as a big lesson in your life.
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