If i gone

Fathia melemparkan beg selempangnya ke meja kopi di ruang tamu rumahnya lalu menghenyakkan punggung di sofa yang berdekatan. Dia mengurut pelipisnya yang dirasakan berdenyut-denyut.

Setiap hari dalam hidupnya dipenuhi dengan masalah. Sejak dari zaman sekolah rendah lagi. 
Yelah macam orang lain tak ada masalah la kan. 

"Shut up" gumamnya. Dia penat bertengkar dengan sifat rasional dalam dirinya. Dia benci setiap kali terpaksa memujuk dirinya 'all is well' seperti phusukh wandu selalu canangkan. 

It is not well and its not gonna be well. Dia penat. Penat dengan 'expectation' orang sampaikan dia terasa tak mahu kongsikannya dengan sesiapa pun termasuk ibu bapa dan sahabat karibnya. Tetapi...mungkin Izham... 

"Hei..."
"Pergi Izham aku tak nak cakap dengan kau!"
"Uhh..marah. Kau yang tengah fikirkan aku, dowh. So aku muncullah"
"Aku bukan desperate sgt la asyik nak panggil kau je"
"Well spill"
"Aku penat"
"the old story?"
"Aku penat...aku penat, aku penat sangat. can people just leave me alone"
"They follow you around because they care"
"No! they just want to do some good deed to charity case like me. the pitiful girl with shamless job.aku penat sgt Am. Its like...every people that i know termasuk my bff si Adila tu cornered me with the same question. with the fake hope to see me have a better future. aku tanya kau salah ke kerja aku ni? kerja retail ini jelah peluang kerja yang aku dpt. kau ingat aku x rasa penat or malu ke dgn degree yang aku ada aku hanya mampu serve orang kat supermarket."
"Yeah..mmg lah susah"
"People keep saying cari kerja lain and rekomen me with this and that without asking what i really want. and all my friend had been piss off with me because i keep ranting to them. worse...i think God also had enough with me"
"Girl dont be dramatic."
"It is soo true. mom said i dont pray enough to God thats why my life is this misery. she dont know...she just dont know....i am so tired that i just wanna die. but that can't happen because i have my ptptn debt. God dont allowed me to give up even if i want that so much."
"Life is about never give up"
"WHat life? i even dont know how to fall in love or care for someone as much as i care for myself...this is like a punishment. like the korea goblin tale"
Silent.
"So u are tired?"
Angguk.
"And want to quit everything?"
Angguk.
"Are u sure u ready for that?" 
No reaction. 
"I am tired and dont want to bother you again. i am tired of living"
"At least you exist...with God mercy. He must love you more than me...your imaginary friend"
"I dont care anymore"
"Fine..then i think your family is back. even i dont know whether it is going to be bad news or good news. till then... "

Pintu rumah dibuka. Ibu Fathia,Puan Kalsom muncul sambil menangis teresak2. 
Air mata seorang ibu yang tidak pasti lagi sama kerana sedih kehilangan seorang anak perempuan bernama Fathia yang kemalangan jln raya atau kerana sesuatu yang lebih memilukan berlaku pada Fathia yang berjaya melepasi detik hampir dengan maut. 


Fathia melepaskan satu keluhan berat. 
Mati dan segalanya selesai.Dia akan jadi seorang yang mementingkan diri sendiri. 
Hidup dan hilang keupayaan untuk 'hidup'. 
Life is a tragedy.

the other side of mr goblin

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.

 I was vlogwalking...

No, not about this. I don't care if they got black paint on their house.
So i was vlogwalking just to see if there's interesting interview about Mr Gong Yoo (why la you suddenly ambush my heart and kick it until it fell down to stomach). And it brought me to this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GiPIBHuYsA

It is People Inside interview back in 2011 when Gong Yoo filmed Dogani (internationally known as Silenced). Seriously i only know him from Coffee Prince, Biscuit Teacher and Star Candy, Big and even when he came as guest in Running Man, i have no fond of him. Like 'Duhh.. what's the big deal about this dude..he just got tough body and bold kissing scene with Eun Hye'. But that change when I saw him in Train to Busan and recently hit drama Goblin. I thought..'Well this man is kinda interesting'.He is like the Hollywood actor that much hotter when they grow old. *seriously why aren't you married yet.

Ok enough of that.

Dogani is a film based on true story in Inhwa School, Gwangju South Korea. It is a school for deaf, disabled students. Back in 2000 till 2005, there is actually few cases of abuse and rape towards students done by the principal, some teacher and authority that been expose by few new teacher and social justice worker. But sadly it ends with poor justice....urghh can you imagine the principal and high authority that did the crime being released by an amount of fine like totally ridiculous because for sure there is a lack of law clause that will justify the victims. A novel written by  Gong Ji-young take interest of a producer and Gong Yoo to filmed it. It is claimed as a low budget film but as Gong Yoo also mentioned, they never expect that it will create huge reaction among the viewers. You can read the details in wikipedia or watch this talk but in a nutshell after people know about the case through this movie (and after few involvement of public, media and activist) the government came with Dogani Bill, an improvement of law clause that protect the disabled children. Not only that, it raise up public awareness that more facility for disabled person been done. 

Clap! Clap!

I know in this world that full of injustice, only certain people manage to overcome it. Crime and injustice act can't be stopped by merely a hand, not even PBB, America, or Donald Trump. The most huge power come from the people. Even is you merely a janitor at school, you can stop bully cases if you aware of it. Yes you can say 'Come on, we have Palestine, Aleppo issue to be concern. This is just an immature act and we already have law to protect them'. If it happen among students, it can be call as immature but if it's done by adult, then it's totally a big issue. And yeah whoever do the crime does it leave the same huge scar in the victim through his/her lifetime? So stop whatever you think does not right or does not make sense..even if it involving only one victim. 

I know this entry can be write by anybody and still the social awareness ain't increase. But take this as an example. Gong Yoo as a normal citizen said he always be a bystander and don't really care about the social issue. But once you know something that does not right, never denied your intuition. You maybe can be ignorant but never agreed with that wrongdoings even if everybody is doing it or agreed with it. In the movie, Gong Yoo character said to an ahjumma 'If I let this go, I don't know if I can be a father towards my daughter and a husband towards my wife anymore'. 

It's not the judge who wrongly judge people. It is the silenced people who let the judgement goes wrong. 

I am not suggesting people to watch this movie to feel pain and hurtful, because I really can't stand violent action. I can take thriller but not this kind of thrill. But I am appraised for their bravely to bring such cases to audience. Truth hurt but it is better than a candy of fantasy. So thumb up for my hero Gong Yoo and all the people involve in that movie. So who say a movie can't shake a nation or even change the law?

I hope Malaysian people can be more honest and truthful too.

the crazy kdrama fans

Enough saying. I just love them. Can't wait friday.

a tale that does not need a fairy

Assalamualaikum
Greetings.

Well you know i am kinda like dont share my private life on Facebook because that's too mainstream. Blogger in the other hand is 'indie'. Lol

And i am veryyyyy excited to see one of my best friend since i was erm 10 years old is going to be someone fiance. Whatt? That cute Raudhah is engage?? Chinca? Haha

Remembering back in schooldays, she once told me that she admire a simple life. Someone the she knows meeting a guy through friends and after two weeks they are engaged, married and now (at that time) waiting for their first child. Yeah, no need drama or something extraordinary to make your life perfect. Knowing her, she is a usual teen girl, a girl with happy smile and laugh a lot. She can be anyone friends in seconds and very positive on everything (she the calmest person to wait for pak cik van fetch us while other had argue and complaint a lot). Yeah, she the real princess, the protagonist in her own little world.

So Siti Raudah Mohamad Hisham, wish you a bucket of happiness and blessings for your next stage of life. You make me believe if we stay positive with our life, good thing will come. And even we're nobody but with our little family and friends, we can be much happy than Donald Trump. Lol. Nak jugak kutuk lelaki itu =p

So for The Guy Who Took My Best Friend, please take care of her

Just saying she is one of Silat member

So do I

of drama and annoying-ness

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings.

Today i had bogum-flu. Excuse my ridiculousness.
Well this is some movie/drama/novel (mostly made in malaysia) in bogum version.
i did this because i am annoyed but i try to be as sweet as possible with bogum as the medium.

*what the hell i am trying to say for godsake

Yeah, here the parody.

Because his smile is sweet and he is eating lollipop.
*But excuse his sitting position

well just look at his biceps @.@

and for the ultimate move is this one. haha.

he is wearing hogwarts uniform (*fan edit) but maybe there's no hogwarts at all in FB. i am just yearning to watch that movie @.@

Andddd for my fevret novel. haha. maybe he can be dr. faiz (because 2nd lead hero always hotter and kind than the lead)

Okey enough. i should straight to my point here.

LARA AISYAH
Because that penyu is not alive and she has nobody to play along.
So she kinda like 'oh pity me i am so melara'.
?

Enough already with the parody =p
Well park bogum is nothing compare with this si kecik
She cute and fabulous

credit to her awesome mom atikah khairi =)

one wedding and a funeral

Assalamualaikum

Greetings!

First and foremost i want to dedicated part of this entry to Mrs Adele!! *clap clap

Oooo..Adele the singer? *sing Never mind i find someone like you~

Nope.  

My friend Adel got married last Saturday (the nikah is on Friday) but unfortunately i have to work on that day. So i can't attend it tsk tsk (really sorry Adellll...though you are so kind by inviting me personally). I write this entry specially for you. Heehe..

I am sooo happy for you. 

Thruthly is, we kinda share lots of things since 2010 (same dorm, same class, same bus going back Johor). She is a friendly friend that just can blend with everybody, incuding the Polis Bantuan (seriously). And I remember back in 2011 (i guess), we sit together in bus going back Johor (from Perak). So that almost 6 hours of travelling she share a lots of things to this silent , boring & tiredsome girl (me lah, who else). All her story really interesting, from the gossips in campus till her family story, she seems not tired at all. At that time she was in relationship with someone (our friend) and she told me that I should find one too during these study years. So i am working now and guess what still forever alone. Lol. 

I knew from the beginning that she will be married first because duhh...the really cool and kind girl everybody want to be friend and date with. Haha. Anyway..congratulations. We all love you. And sorry for not being there.

Okay...so that is a happy ending story. And now lets begin with a thriller story. Sorry Adel you had to share this entry with this scumbag. 

Scumbag who?

Whoever that lead you to a bullshit hole.

So Donald Trump is the new president of USA a.k.a the World Police. While Barrack seems 'good', this fellow totally out of the term of good. Except maybe in business world. Most of us knew him from the reality programme The Apprentice and who knows this reality stars that keep firing people on tv would be America next president (then America, you fired). Well at least he is not hiding his true face and agenda of hating Muslim with his harsh statement. But seriously all of us, the Muslims do afraid of what he will do as we all know America is like the Godfather of all countries. I received many message of reminder to reciting and practicing Al-Kahfi, as to protect our iman to always stay true no matter what hardship we had to face. Remember that nearly end of time, only few people hold to the true Islam and most of the weak people will be deceived by dajjal al masih. 

I should start it right away.

Huh *sigh

And yeah, the comical sketch of politics in Malaysia are quit interesting too. I stop reading newspaper or watch news in tv from the time Facebook is created. Not that I prefer information from that social network site but I just tired of all the unlogical scheme and unfair judgement of media mass. Just now I feel like choking my throat with the chicken that I eat as to see the headline of the news.

Basically the entry give huge appraisal for our leader in defending and strengthen Islam in our country. That appraisal is supported by few Islam organisation including KAFA. 

Right.

You not believe it? Well there is a picture of few Tahfiz students holding a banner 'We love PM' 'Allah bless PM for his deeds' 'Thank you PM'.

Heaven sake what irrational world did i just encounter?

Well i am far from the elite people who have Doctor, Professor or even Tuan Guru infront of his/her name. I am merely a poor worker that previously attend the cheapest university fee in Malaysia. Let see from the student side. You supporting Islam works in Malaysia? Well ever go to sekolah tahfiz, sekolah agama, sekolah pondok? Have you look their 'gorgeous' facilities that nearly 'blind' your eyes? Ok then lets go to private school that starts with St,...have you see their 'hideous' classroom with weird smell? Or did you realised they only had few staff that doing both teachers and janitor works?

For Godsake get a new brain. 

The road not taken

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.

I am writing this entry while listening to iu. dear girl you soothen my soul.

It is not only me who struggle in this harsh world. other might meet situation far worst than me.

The road not taken..we have learnt it during schooldays. maybe in form 2, i dont remember. we have been warned about what reality we will be facing. the unlimited choice in life that will bring u to different path. and your path maybe intercept with others but never parallel to each other. we never had two person having the very same background and path of life. even among twins.

I once pray that Allah s.w.t give me forgiveness and chance to be a good, better person. i fall in love with usrah, like a medicine that heal my wounds and isolated life. i go near that good path and it really bring me to a world that i never  ever thought before.

I learn that Islam is not for yourself, it is to be spread and to be fight for. i learn about responsibility as a true Muslim, begin to open my heart to a really good people and friends.

But as i always said, i am truly a coward person. i am incapable to hold onto it like my friends do. i lost in translation, i turn back to who i was. to my old life and neglected them, my precious friends. i think i just being myself, like the one actress keep stressing to media about her changes to sth that not good.

But it brought misery in my life. i know it's me who to be blamed for all this misfortune. it is like i am lost when trying to find way back home (the world i once comfortable with).

I keep craving for some miracle, some chance or maybe some guy that will brighten my life. i want to have a successful life like my other friends had. i just dont know what to do and so clueless about reading the signs from God.

And i might got this very opportunity to pay for my mistake. I am willing to go through a hard life if thats the price i have to pay.

But sincerely, i am still a coward person. i have to think and sacrifice many things to go throughthat road. it feels like i am not ready to face that kind of road. it feels like...even if i turn back again and go through the road i once left, it will not be the same as before. i will not be the same and hope could flunk helplessly.

I just stand there, in the middle of road. hesistate to move on or back off. i just stay.

I am sorry God if i take the wrong path. i am very sorry if this is actually the path u giving me to answer my prayer. i am very sorry if i wrong.

Just please. give me Your pure guideness.

Aku mohon dengan sangat.

Moonlight Lover going darker

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings.

Into drama mode.
Haha.

Well Love in the Moonlight had finished with loads of fan still ship Raon & Yong character. But serioously i am quit dissapointed with the ending plot. So to dispise those hardcore fans (*hey..who throw rocks at me??), i would list few point that makes a drama...a 'drama'. And i am see it in the point of view of a woman.

1. The character

Yes, i would say Prince Yong is the big character in that drama partly because he is PARK BOGUM duhh. Who would hate that sweet charming boy yet still manly and charismatic? Okay left aside that character. Raon as the lead female character seems do not fit that charismatic prince that take his duty very seriously. Tell me what is she do beside being a cute and friendly 'boy'? I don't see why Prince Yong should fall in love with her rather than

i) Because she the first outsider to be his friend and eunuch. Guess what that eunuch is actually a girl. So why wasting time getting know other woman or princess when you can get both lover and friend

ii) Because you admit it Ji Young is pretty and cute (and you are just jealous =p)

Her character is lack of superior, uniqueness and just stick to the old lame life cliche that man love woman based on her look. I like more Ha Yeon character more because she is bold, straightforward and free spirit woman that is so loyal with his lover. She did work hard to gain Prince Yong's love not like Raon who merely just receive everything from everybody. I still feel that Yoon Sung death is a waste

credit: dramabean

And seriously his character suit Ha Yeon the most because both of them at least know what they want and go for it. Not like Raon who hide under Prince Yong's sleeve when the problems come and wait for everyone to save her. When her father is tortured she speaks no words to the King, at least to beg for his mercy. She just stood there crying unbelievable of what fate gonna bring her (or maybe she just want to be dramatic as a signal Yong should save her). She as the daughter of rebellion's leader at least should take part in the rebellion's plan.At least on the plan to save her father if she don't want to involve with the nation politics scene. I am very frustrated to watch every little scene that she does only to see how weak a woman that only can be a victim or observer.Not a fighter. Don't let me start with the uselessness of Yong's sister that Princess-Fat-Turn-Slim. Seriously the nation is shaken by those politics and rebellion scene that we can only see she turn slim and have a love fight with that Master Jang.*sigh.
Even Dae-Mul (heroine character of Sungkyungkwan Scandal) play her part as the daughter of a scholar and help King in building the new future of Joseon.

Yes, play your part lady.

Owh..i miss to watch Princess Man where all the female characters is soo strong and how they play their part in the nation politics game.

Well I guess part two is going to come soon.

Peace no war. =)

Tak tahu tajuk

Assalamualaikum
Greetings!

Once upon a time...i met this adorable girl that seems to come from the other side of the world. Haha

Well she had been a friend of mine since...four years ago. She cute, sweet, nice and have a really simple yet interesting life. Well maybe if you want to put other words it is a blessful life.

Seeing her after 2 years (last time seeing her is in 2014 id think)... she really dont change at all. Still cute, chubby, sweet. But the different is she had been tag along by a cuter, adorabler little person name aisya.here she is

Oh well...i will update it later course the picture having problem to download here. But anyway yeah i cant believe she has been a mother! Omoo...

So the purpose of this entry is?
Haha
It just...my life have been a tiresome these day and to meet a person from your youth days is a blessful. I mean i really think we took a real different path of life. What makes her life seems beautiful is because her inner self that so bright and positive, she stay true to herself & what she believe. Not like me who have hesistation on myself and what i believe. I am not dare to take the road that i believe would promise me a better life (but the toughest). I take u turn to the comfort life i used to be (but the bad one), and see who win the happiness now?

What i mean is... i know i restrain myself for seeing few people from my past...because i had take a real different path from them. I neglect them. But tikah is one of special friend that always cherish her friends and the one she love. And i am really really thankful for that.

Thats why i never feel hesistate to see her all the way to jb. Because at least i want to give myself a chance to change. At least i can get some bright and positive element from her (*element kau lol).

I am glad she happy. And i want to be happy for my life too.

Thanks for having this super weird heartless girl as a friend. Friendship till jannah =)

Bogum Cantabile

Assalamualaikum...greetings!

Haha. Konon cita2 nk lwn bloggerwati maria elena, vivy...tp cisdale btul.
And dua perkara yg plg aku adore buat aku stay up utk tulis entri ni.

Park Bogum.
Nodame cantabile.

Yeah that charming adorable fellow act in naeil cantabile (korean version of nodame cantabile) & receive spotlight more than the lead actor (haha people just love him.no offense to lead actor seriously.u guys dont know how i adore that chiaki character since schooldays).

So when i am having fever with bogummy, i google everything about him & his filmgraphy. & knowing he act in my best fevret drama in the world make me on top.

But...cello player? Hmm let me recall.
I think therr is no young charming cello player in the japan version (if had.. i think the only lead cello character is the young rich girl that suffer from poverty due to her father madness in violin).

And what? Nodame needs a silver shining knight armor? Pftt...u must be kidding me. That girl is like a grass, it maybe weak but never die no matter how much u pressure it. And yeah, who will take care of that 'grass'. They are naturally strong.

Even in nodame cantabile, the only guy that have interest in nodame is that seruling guy (sorry i dont know what seruling is in english).but only bcoz he thought nodame is a fine lady & afterwards he only thought her as a friend. Never tried to be so gentleman in any situation, he genuinely help her as a friend.

And what? Yoon ha (bogum character in naeil cantabile) also a conductor? Ohhh u just ruin the story dude (referring to writer, not bogum. He innocent).

Chiaki rival in conductor is
1)in japan, a weirdo that try to copy him from head to toe (please, bogum r too cool for that.yeah,u make yoon ha conduct as to referring to the same scene that weirdo do with s ochestra).
2) in paris, an englishman that lucky to be english and be a permanent conductor in big ochestra house). And that guy appear at special episode
3) stressman..maybe?

So what is this entry is about?
I dont know.
I just like bo gum & nodame cantabile.
So dont mess up with them

But anyway thanks for letting him do what he always love to do. A musician.

*why r u acting like his gelfren or sth?

I dont know. Suka hati akulah =_=

Tentang dan kentang

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings.

Tak, entri ni bukan pasal buku yg popular tu.
Ini tentang perkara yg aku rasa, maybe in some luck aku blh luahkan perasaan kat certain2 org tu. I am an introvert so writing might the best way to express it.

1. Tentang sahabat
Aku ada macam2 jnis kwn. Aku rasa aku ada split personaliti yg blh join group paling gila (tp x popular, as always i do avoid flashlight) dan blh join group yg paling baik (at least they always remind me about God,not because they are maksum without sin or what).
So, dearest my really really good friends, you guys know who you are in my life. I am not avoiding you because i hate you or just want to forget what we have been through. I love you but i am a sucker when it comes to practicality. You know, i never remember your birthday or seldom contact you guys through facebook or whats app. I am just a silent observer in our group chat. I do want to do what you guys always do, like before. I really try to have that kind of live. But i am a coward, a chicken, that stuck into a life that i dont expect. I cannot face you guys anymore because i really ashamed of who i become. But, in Allah will, i will always love you guys more than anything. I can feel the tingling in my heart right now (is that a correct word?). I am sorry for being such a loser. And you guys always be the thing that make me strong, during a hard time.
Thank you.
Sorry.
I love you.
I miss you.
Sorry again.

2. Kentang Kehidupan
 Ohh..i'll think about it tomorrow.

I am not hostile, i am annoyed

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings.

This morning i watch tele & somehow end up with a malay drama.a novel adaptations drama. Well as usual it piss me off to watch the cliche story so i wrote a review on goodreads. But i think i  want to talk more about that in this holy blog. *avoiding that novel fans

ok i never read the novel. I got irritated just to read the synopsis. My point is this novel offer distraction, not solution.

The story is about one bright girl who being rape by someone he trust. And that guy just left her alone. A douchebag. Okay, this is the problem. So what the solution?

Hey guess what, that girl no need to think of the solution. She just shut up her mouth, mourning and keep her anger inside while decide to receive a hand of marriage. Problem solve, now the society dont have to judge if her tummy getting bigger because she got a good caring husband that accept her for who she is. Applaud.

Totally a no solution storyline. What about the rape victim out there that found nobody, no man to support her from receiving hatred, social pressure of having an 'out-of-marriage child '*ok seriously i dont know the term for that in english.

At least cecilia ahern in where the rainbows end had some solution for that social issue. Although rosie did sex for her own will, she dont expect a child at such early age. Screw the boy, even her best friend (slash secretly love her) Alex dont suddenly show up and said " i will be responsible with the baby". Noooo.

Cecilia had some rationality. She dont give distraction, but solution. Rosie face the reality. She losing her bright chance in Boston Uni, living her life as tough as she can to raise up Katie. That dark phase of life had give her strength and lesson to enter next phase of her promising bright future.

Rape victim get an unforgetful trauma, an unforgiven sin for the rapist. Screw up some of the malay novel who make  it into romance (victim and rapist) under justification 'everyone can change' 'he will end up be a good man and make u happy'. Not in real life, maam!

Back to the topic, i didnt say any of the victim dont deserve good fate with good man. But rather than offering a prince with saving armor and cheesy romance (that totally not solving the problem) why not writing some inspiring story of how the woman alone can solve her problem. Give them a hope that she by herself can get up and keep move on towards a bright future.

Huh...ntah pape jela aku bebel.
Sebab aku jadi annoy bekerja kat tempat yg dipenuhi buku annoying spt ini.
I wish i could work with an indie book co,where people write true story, a genuine story teller rather than chasing for royalty and drama adaptation offer. Maybe thats why write nurul syahida feels to give up this path of her life.

Maybe like her, i am not hostile. I am just annoyed.

Me you they

Assalamualaikum
Oh dear god, why must i post this entry just to get asleep? Right now i am under depression after reading until the last page of me before you-jojo moyes. Dear god, i am having a roller coaster of emotions. Mind my language because i am really in misery.

For godsake this is not the first time i watch/read a hearbroken story ended with death. Aya in 1 litre of tears never fails to make me cry everytime i watch that drama.

So what is the different between Aya and Will?

1. Aya is innocent young girl who never had chance to grow up and be normal teenagers, adult. Will had the chance to live boldly for the past 30 years. So he really know how bloody aweful, fantastic, horrible, incredible life is. But Aya knows nothing and live modestly as she is.
2. Aya's innocent make her so positive in life, even with her awful disease which is not much different from Will. However, we had to count the gender issue here. Will is a man who once has everything that make him a real man. Really successful job, sophisticated girlfriend , wild busy town life. When he lose everything, he just cant accept it. He has the ego of man who does not wanted to be care or control by others.
3. Yes, aya experienced a pure puppy love with asou haruto. She had to let go of him consider he has bright future compare to just being beside a sick girl. On the other hand, Loisa is Will's last love and he had let her go because she is not enough for him. He had the power to change his mind and be with her, but that is not how Will Treynor seems like. Instead of being care, he want to take care of her. He hate to have a thought that one day Louisa will sick of him. He no longer a man who take risk. Because he know he can't take another dissapointment and rejection. He is firm with his word...even until the end4.
4. Aya fight to the end. Which means, even it is very noble of her parents...but those years sure tiring her parent to take care of her. In ideal life, everyone would agree to that. But sometimes in reality you just have to let it go. Do you ever think how much medical expense in a year they had to go through as in they are not a wealthy family?

Aya is one of the person who endured it till the end. Will is the person who firmly decide his path of life. Both of them undergoes a sufferings that normal people never know unless they had it. In my opinion, neither of them make the wrong decision, because everyone had a different life. At least give them their right in life and death.
Both of them rarely know Allah, the God of Mankind.  One mistake that they did is they dont know Allah, they dont ask for His guidance. So let us, the so called muslim, the one who never grateful with his/her life, live the way Allah want us to be. Even you are dying from the worst disease, dont give up. Nabi Daud had the worst disease of mankind history never lose hope in Allah.
Till then.bye

Tis is mee

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings.
This is me today.

Or maybe everyday. I like to observe people & maybe easily get jealous of people too. But everybody had their own story. Maybe the pain that we dont know. I just need to know how they going through all the hardships.

I dont need dreamy female character like the cliche malay drama. I just need an ordinary female character with strong common sense.

And maybe with a wit male character (trustworthy straight forward guy) who will slap you with the fact of life. Not a guy with sweet talk or cheesy dialogue (-_- for godsake stop that chia chia trend).

True ,tohru. 

Reality bites.

Yes, what exactly you can do? What exactly you want to do? Journey to self discovery and the meaning of life really like a bed of roses...complete with the torn. Sometimes we feel dissapointed, sometimes we feel positive. Keep moving forward. And if you dont know the direction, ask people..ask Allah s.w.t. Many ordinary people become extraordinary with the bless of doa. Yes, i am a muslim. At the very least we can do is keep praying, hold strong faith in Him. Be patience. These are the usual words said by people but hard to do. 

Be strong, people. Be kind, as everybody had their own story and struggle.

till then.Peace be upon to you =)

Black hat in the trap

Assalamualaikum..apa khabar saudara saudari sekalian~ *singing Raihan's song.

Haha
Well this entry is not so happy actually.
The title also had no meaning at all.
Yes my black hat is overpowering my mind and going to suck all your happiness like that devilish dementor in Harry Potter. Wahaha

Recently, well i met my friends for the purpose of graduation preparation.
Yay excited! Yay happy!
Well most of them does feel that.
Excluding me.
*throw rocks at this unfeeling human being

I know i am being weird
Why i am not happy with this graduation ceremony?
After all these years going through ups and down..

There, there it is.
I know those memories, struggling for the past two and a half years ain't easy. I even start to blogging after facing a real depression with my degree life. And those years also full of unexpected happiness, people and places that i never thought i would experience.

But what i really think is...no need to look back at the past. The real important think is now.
What that degree life had prepare me to be who am I today.
I do regret some of the decision and action during that time and it just... something that i won't forgive myself. I was careless, lack in every different way of a student should be. Like seriously. I maybe never experiencing failure but I am also excluded from that top notch students. To be short, I am clueless of what the hell I am doing. I am just following the flow. Which is not, a big NOT applicable in the real world.

Yes, how many time i have to tell people i have a misery life, so cut it down.
And i am not also proudly telling people that even i am a clueless student but i manage to pass through it like a normal people.
See...NORMAL people. NORMAL life. So I am same as other 200 millions of people in this world. When my life suddenly not following the normal way, I am dead meat. It is like I never learn or get anything unless a huge study loan debt.

It reminds me of one of a quot from someone intellectual person that have a rebellious trait ; a university is like a place where they cut human throat (the young people) by served them an imaginary, fairytales hope for the future. For ones who really thoughtless, they really think they are much higher level than those people who didn't get the opportunity. But actually they really unaware of what nightmare reality they will be facing.

Yeah, Adam Adli had been nation rebellious kid because he think differently and actually make action to get his right. That's actually students in higher education should do. Not being rebellious, but to THINK and ACT. Not just talking rubbish like the lame ol political puppet or becoming keyboard warriors like i am doing right now. That's why I am frustrated with myself because I miss the opportunity to THINK and ACT.

And now, holding the title of degree student does burden me. People expect me to be something but in reality i am nothing rather than a puppet.
And celebrating that ceremony is like celebrating my frustration.
I just don't know.
I hate this education system that teach me (since kindergarden) to shut up, stop thinking and do as you're told to be. I want to different and yet end up being same as anybody.

But time machine does not exist. I just have to faced the mess I made and move on. This is the biggest lesson in my school of life. I think I don't really have a time to celebrate the 'happy ending' create by this 'fairytales land' (that is far far far away from reality). I'll find my way in this world, a places in this world where i can devoted myself with the true meaning of life.

So, sensei, that is my reason for not liking to attend that ceremony. I end this letter with thank you.
Houl~

Nota2 yang berselerakan

Nota nota yang berselerakan itu
dikerjakan oleh seorang gadis
Nota nota yang ditulis pada kertas kitar semula
Dengan aksara kecil seperti tidak mahu dapat dibaca manusia lain

Gadis itu terduduk di atas kertas kertas itu
Terlalu keliru untuk menyusunnya kembali
Terlalu letih untuk meminta bantuan orang lain
Terlalu kecewa dengan kecelaruan yang dialami

Nota nota itu ditulis olehnya sendiri
Bait kata kata impian, harapan satu masa dulu yang memenuhi ruang dada dan mindanya
Bait kata cinta, dongengan dan khayalan masa depan yang tidak pasti

Kini nota itu telah berselerakan
Menjadi timbunan kertas yang tidak berguna
Dia tak mampu perjuangkan apa yang dilakarkan dengan mata pena pada kertas itu
Dia tak mampu untuk menterjemahkan nota nota itu pada yang lain
Kerana bagi mereka ia umpama karya sanskrit yang tidak dapat difahami

Gadis dan kertas yang berselerakan itu
Hanya kaku di ruang waktu dan tempat yang sama

confession of a work-not-so-holic

Assalamualaikum.
Greetings!

Just blog walking at two of my favorite blogger and both of them are talking about introvert.
Yeah i think that can summarize my inner conflict right now. I mean, often while i'm doing my work alone i like talking to myself and thinking about things (and actually make gestures too). It's like if i had an imaginary friends, i will talk to him about it (yeah i prefer male character, at this period his face would be like Wallace Chung) or if i had a pen i will write about it. I cannot talk about these stuff with my collegue or even my best friend because i love having it personal.

Because of my introvert traits, i feel i am not suit for this job. i don't hate people, i just scared of them. extroverts get energy from people, but i need to try hard just to talk to a person. If he/she had an easygoing character, then i will be nice to them. but if they're going witty, pushy or whatever it called, i will resent them. i am tired. like the superman who had to work at near krypton area. i kills me but i know i had to overcome this weakness.

i got very good collegue but i can't too depended on them. that's why i am thinking about to move on from this job. i make a deal with myself i would go through this job permanent for a year and i had decide to stay but something come out that make me think i am not suitable for this job anymore. yeah, you talking about a graduates who picky for a job and don't want to work hard. i just cannot find my path. i am failed to pretend i am okay with it and the life that come with it. i somehow don't find the exact answer.

a job that makes me a human, not a robot. a job that no matter how shit it is, i'll be able to learn hard on it and survive. i shall stop stalking people on social media so i'll not have this uneasiness. i'm getting sleepy right now. too much thinking without doing nothing, i want to change that.
till then.
bye

Dreams and my reality

Assalamualaikum
Greetings

I just finished watching a chinese drama that i am so into it. In the midst of the beautiful fantasy drama, i had meet a reality scene that make me just thinking again what life is mean.
My life in specifically.

Okay, we start first with the 'dreams' that been served in that drama.
It is a story about how a couple meet after years of silent seperation, they got a lot to catch up for those missing years. Yes, not really my mindfucking drama type. Major reason i am watching that drama bcoz the girl is cute & the man is cool. Thats the dream part of the story. A cute girl in every angle would make you so distress bcoz u can't be like that. Yeah she got make up even in sleep scene wheareas normal human being mostly dont look that pretty in their sleep.
Cute appearance have been idolized since hallyu wave goes around the world. In reality u will find many cute girl (especially the chinese that can easily copy those kpop style). They can be cute but does their action cute too?
I am not judgemental over cute girl nor saying all of them are bad. It just most people pays on their appearance but not their attitude. The drama is potraying more on the cute side of the cast, not the strong spirit in her. Yeah, she face hardship but it seems that she find a 'fantasy' solution, a quick and need luck to get it. In real life, a helping hand is soo hard to get & you will learn the art of survival by yourself.

Next, the guy is so cool. Drama defination of cool is you have to frown 24 hours and look so admirable when you actually smile. Haha. So the actor done that better than the actor in ' my boss and me'. But the drama writer seems to define an aggressive man as part of the cool, which i am totally dispise. Like the same old story of bad guy who hit and hurt woman have to be forgiven just bcause they are actually 'lack of love', 'over jealousy' & other reasons. Abusement is not romanicism. In reality if a guy dare to lay a finger on his loved one (especially if they are not married yet), then he will dare to abuse his woman more if the woman does not properly protect themselves. Yes, reality taught you to not being naive just let a guy do anything to you just because u lo ve each other. People do make mistakes but you as a woman should clearly object that kind of treatment, have a strong stand to protect yourself. Dont just easily forgive bcause you know u wont be able to forget if the matter is not settled properly.

All those 'dreams' served by dramas really make you want to run from reality. It's only a fantasy amd illusion if you dont include the most important subject in life. Your faith to God who created you. I found that most of  drama can be so full of positive life quote and point of view, but lacking in their faith to God. In reality the people in their country choose suicide as the final solution and decision. It is good if they meet good people, good family, good friends and lover.but once they lost them, they find no reason to live. They dont know the fact that God is waiting for them, just one second to think why they are exist in this world, who created them.
My reality, i face people of my own living life without faith in God. I am afraid of the reality i been living in. Thats why i always run to the dreams and drown in it. But i just think... if i love Allah, i must seek him. I must honestly find the solace with Him. I must stop this craziness over that dreams and creates a meaningful life with good people. And i think, it is time to change the path of my life. I want to run after Him. I want everyday it's Him the reason of what i've been doing in life. I want to find Him. That's my reality.